I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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