we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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