Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
