I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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