Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
