Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
