dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
