i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How does one acquire holy water?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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