worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
