Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
