I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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