Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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