Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
