I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize