oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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