I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
