he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
