I just saw a hot homeless man
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
