Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So vagazzling was a success
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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