I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
