Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
