I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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