I cockslap morals
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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