Apparently you make a good broom.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
