I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
