Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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