At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
