How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize