Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i'm inner monologue high
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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