all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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