What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
