More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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