You're my little dorito
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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