Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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