Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Floor bacon is actually really good
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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