i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
