i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
