My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
