I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
