My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
