I wish my penis had an off switch
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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