one might say we're banned from that church
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
