the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
