My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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