just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
