Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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