My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
