Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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