i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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