hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
