I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
