No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
