:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
