I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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