remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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