when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
