Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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