Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
not ubering you a puppy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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