A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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